when I feel like I can't get through the night...

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I'm found.

'Twas blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved.

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

When we've been there ten thousand years

Bright shining as the sun,

We've no less days to sing God's praise

Then when we first begun.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I'm found.

Was blind, but now I see.

---

I can't get the lies out of my head. it doesn't make sense. I rejoice in the day and I despair through the night...    


=_____=

first real day of CIT

Sunday service

Didn't know what time service started, so I just went earlier than I expected it to be. Ended up being an hour and a half early, so I spent it in reflection of God's promises and boy was it refreshing. If only I had the discipline. "If only"..... I'm going to try and stop saying that.

Met Rilla, a wonderful lady. She was pronounced free of cancer 2 weeks ago. "Many people prayed for me... My students even wrote letters and prayers to encourage me." She took me to sunday school with her, where lessons were taught differently. A man in a wheelchair, the teacher, prayed for us, read out of some theological study book, and had us read the scriptural references out loud. That was it, and it was effective.

Round Hill Baptist Church

Met Jim and Linda- "Sowers", they called themselves. They travel all over America to serve those who need assistance. From cooking and cleaning, to welding and repairing. They took me out to Ryan's, an american buffet, after showing me around their RV. Amazing people... They shared their family lives with me and many of their exciting stories. They are the first people I've met in my whole life that have traveled to all 50 of the American states. So impressive.

"What is your favorite state of all you've visited?"
"Utah."
"UTAH.... o_o .....why??"
"Rocks. Rocks!!!!"
".......... O_O........"

Jim, Linda and I at Ryan's

Met my new roommate (housemate?) Catherine, and oh man... This girl is around my age, just came from NY, the only other single person, and is headed to INDONESIA in the new year. un. believable. She's a super chill person, too, and we are really getting along. she was mad prepped... even with a bottle of cabernet... :)))

Met all my "course participants". The feeling of being in a room (my small group) with people that are on the same track as I am, going through the same emotional issues, and having the same zeal, passion, joy......!!! It made me want to jump out of my chair and go around hi-5-ing everybody. granted, I did spend about a week in virtual isolation...

I absolutely loved orientation. Getting to know these people who love God and want to do what I want to do. Their stories..... having eaten bear. on the beach. bear on the beach. and camel... guinea pig!!! weird. or "just different". One of the activities were arranging ourselves by timezone of destination/country. that was so funny, because some people didn't know theirs, which is totally fine... but funny to watch them try and guess!

We received 2 giant binders filled with assignments, readings, notes, expectations, etc. Also, snapshot cards, where we write what we've taken away from the class, and what we're thankful for. Interesting thing... Tim, our program director, asked the national leaders who collaborate with American missionaries.

"Through your past experience with American missionaries, what would you want to say to them/ our missionary-to-be's?"
1-"I have never met a humble American."
2-"Americans have more wealth and opportunity than most of the rest of the world, yet they are constantly complaining.... why?!"

Really made me think.

Anyways, they provide us with little toys so we can fidget, because some of us learn better that way. Everything is just so smooth and well-planned. I love it. There's even a little break room across the hall with snacks and drinks where we can brew a cup of tea or coffee...

I also happened to be the "mayor" for the week with my roommate. since we hold all the keys to basically the entire campus, we are responsible for opening and locking up. one couple was so funny as I asked if I could join their table for dinner... "Wow, we get to dine with the mayor...awesome!"

I feel like I'm back in college, but with a real dorm experience, and learning what I want to learn. I am so excited ... I haven't been this excited in so long!!!!!! AHHHHH

I definitely miss friends back at home, no less than I have. But I think I am getting a little bit obsessed with social networking, as I am constantly checking it for news back at home.... I check'em every 5 minutes!!!! when there is no activity (like at 3am in the morning... -___- ), I feel like something is wrong and start panicking. and so I deleted the facebook app off my phone. This was a "symptom of culture shock", listed in my textbook.... so I am trying to balance it out and alleviate the issue.  Idk.... I guess it just hurts to know that they can't be a part of my life the way that they were before, and vice versa. I miss chillin with them all, and wish I was home, but not really because I know this is God's calling for me.

Father, give me peace in my heart as I'm away from those I love so dearly, and help me to enjoy the presence and company of those in front of me.

happy happy ppl

Everyone is so happy-go-lucky, I feel. I'm the only .-. one. It seems like they've got this whole "let's-meet-new-people-and-be-happy-together" thing down.

Noise outside?? HIDE! Maybe turn off some lights, so they think no one is home... So they won't come knocking at my door....
... what's wrong with me!!

Maybe tomorrow after the orientation, I'll feel a little better. I hope.

Exploring the CIT area

Walked around the campus today and found that bottled water is 25 cents! Good-bye, rusty-tasting water!

The housing provided is all very nice, but I am constantly thinking... if only I had a buddy back from NY here with me to enjoy it, it would all be so much more fun. I'd burp in their faces and they'd pit-stab me. or we'd sing country songs until we're all countried out. I guess this is God's way of preparing me for Indonesia. I'll be away for soo much longer...

People here like to knock on doors. It freaks me out... I don't like not knowing who is behind the door and not knowing what they want from me. Karen, one of the facilitators, is very concerned about me feeling alone. It's like she knows or something! Because classes haven't started, not a lot of people are here. So, she keeps bringing new people to my apartment for me to meet. I've met quite a lot of the staff now... they are all so kind and generous with their time.

I do keep getting the urge to become a hermit, though. When asked, "Would you like to come with me to meet some of the others?" I really want to kindly reject the offer and stay in my room... but I know I shouldn't. So I go.

I decided to go check out Cherry Creek, a thin, blue line on google maps. Turns out it's on private property, so I had to muster up the courage to hop over some chains and poles to get to it. There was a very big pond/lake thing there, too... Threw some bark in there and watched the water ripple out alllllll across. So peaceful!



I miss my buds :(

Key West, FL

Those 12 days are in the past, but they live on in my mind. Seeing my mom's smile again was something I needed. It comforts me to know that she's doing well and that she's happy. When I arrived, she was so excited to take me to all the different eateries around and out of town. She wanted me "to taste and see all the different things Key West has to offer"!

I loved hugging Poppy to sleep, some nights. One night, he managed to kick and trade sleeping spots with me! I ended up at the foot of the bed...

Leaving was hard because it meant leaving my Gilly behind, too. Who knows when I'll see her again.. I really hope she gets along with Poppy soon.

Saying goodbye to mom was most difficult. I'll miss spending time with her. Our last day on Duval street was so pleasant. We did laundry together. I recalled doing laundry with her when I was a very young child, and she had said to me, "When you grow up, you won't help me with laundry anymore because you'll have your friends and your own things to do..." But there we were, folding up all those towels Poppy chewed up- together!

I look forward to the day where we can live and laugh together again, in person. But for now, thank goodness for FaceTime.